I Want to Hold Your Hand

“We’d gather around all in a room, fasten our belts, engage in dialogue. . . We would stay and respond and expand and include and allow and forgive and enjoy and evolve and discern and inquire and accept and admit and divulge and open and reach out and speak up. . . This is my Utopia” (Alanis Morissette).


Deseret Morning News reports that the Church will be meeting with Affirmation in August. As you can imagine, I am very excited for this historic breakthrough. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but one of the topics of conversation will be BYU’s honor code.

As I talk with friends at BYU, almost all of them are surprised to hear the the honor code forbids “not only sexual relations between members of the same sex, but all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings.” That means that two guys can’t hold hands or kiss. Most BYU students that I have interacted with expected the policy on gays to be the same as it for heterosexuals–if you have sex you get kicked out. Upon finding out that the standards for gay students are different than for straight students, a lot of these people believe that this inequality should be rectified. It is institutional discrimination to treat the same affection differently based on who the affection is between.

I would be thrilled to see progressive dialog on the subject.


“We would share and listen and support and welcome–Be propelled by passion, not invest in outcomes . . . We’d provide forums we’d all speak out. We’d all be heard. We’d all feel seen. . . This is my ideal, my end in sight” (Alanis Morissette).

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3 thoughts on “I Want to Hold Your Hand

  1. You have to remember that it is a private institution and they have right to make any rules they want to, whether they be seen as fair or unfair. You signed up to go here and promised to abide by their rules. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

  2. Yes, they have the right to make any rules they want. Those rules have changed over the years based on various factors. I am hoping that this meeting is one cause in a chain of events to have this rule changed because I don’t think this rule is right whether they have a right to establish it or not.I’m not attacking the legality of BYU’s actions, I’m attacking its morality.

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