Being home makes me think about what it is that I want from my parents. I complain that I don’t like how they are reacting to me, but what is it that I really want from them?
I am happy that my mom prays so hard and so often for me. It means a lot to me. It bothers me, though, that she is praying for God to change me. She wants God to help me find the cure. She wants God to instill in me a desire to deny myself romantic involvement with those I am attracted to. She wants to change me.
I would like it much better if she would pray that the Church would change. If she would pray that society would make life easier on me. If she would pray that the leaders of the Church and the people around me would have a greater desire to understand me. If she would want to change the world.
I would like it best if she would pray that she would change. If she would pray that she would continue to feel a strong love for me. If she would pray for the strength to show me that love and acceptance despite the fact that we disagree. If she would want to change herself.
I suppose in the end, me wanting her to change, though, is no better than her wanting me to change. I guess in the end I just want to be able to bring a boy home for Christmas eventually. And if I ever get married, and it is to a man, I would want them to come. And to allow me to tell my siblings. I think that’s all. That’s not too much to ask, is it?