Forever Barred

A few blogs lately have been changing names with every post. It drives me nuts. That being said, I have changed my blog name. I am no longer Forever Barred. I am now Innumerable Ecstasies.

The phrase forever barred comes from J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan. As Peter is looking in Wendy’s window, he sees the Darling family enjoying time together. “There could not have been a lovelier sight,” wrote Barrie, referring to the family, “but there was none to see it except a little boy who was staring in at the window. He had ecstasies innumerable that other children can never know; but he was looking through the window at the one joy from which he must be forever barred.”

On my blog and in my life I seemed to focus on that one joy that I felt I was forever barred from. Eternal family. I’m not attracted to women and thus am not pursuing marriage. In so many ways I just felt barred from that ideal, nuclear family.

Nothing has really changed about my situation. My attitudes about life, however, have changed a lot. I am no longer focused on that one joy from which I may be barred. Instead I am focused on the “ecstasies innumerable” that others may never know. Maybe I don’t have and won’t have the perfect family, but at least I get to hang out with fairies and mermaids and fight pirates and live in tree forts and above all fly. And love. I am not barred from learning how to love.

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8 thoughts on “Forever Barred

  1. Maybe I don’t have and won’t have the perfect family…Who does?I know LDS theology doesn’t agree with me on this, but family is what we make it.

  2. I’m so glad that we talked the other day. We need to get together to talk again very soon!I am glad that you are doing okay. One thing that has helped me through everything that I’ve gone through is realizing that my homosexuality is only one aspect of who I am. It does not define who I am nor does it change who I am. People who know about me just know one more fact about who I am. Keep up the positivity. But you always know where you can find a trusting and loyal ear.

  3. all we can do is control what is in our hands. we leave everything else up to the other people in the situation. We cannot control them nor change the past. All we can do now is learn from the past, live in the present, and make the future a better place for others around us through the decisions that we make.

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